Why is coffee and cigarettes so essential in the morning?

So every morning, according to me, should be started off with a low clorie high protien breakfast consisting of a protien shake with strawberries, blackberries, and a bannana. Maybe a egg with a thin slice of wheat bread to finish it all off. Once you have this wonderful load of food in your gullet, it's time to break out the real components of a nutritional breakfast....Coffee and cigarettes! Always completing the perfect breakfast these items are essential for the drive into work. So, in re-cap eat right, exercise daily and get your day started like any self-respecting american ....with a cup of coffee and a marlboro light. Good day sir!